In life, there are moments we are challenged. Relationships are never perfect. We fight and sometimes it's our fault when someone is hurt.
These are the moments that define us. How do we respond when we are told we are wrong? Do we fight back, defensively? Do we say we are sorry without meaning it? Or do we listen and work through it because the relationship is more important than the fight?
This can lead to strength or bitterness, depending on our response. We can learn that these moments are good because we learn from them and become different, better people. Or we can be taught that these are moments to fear because they test everything we think is true about ourselves. Our Pride is terrified that it will be destroyed, so we become stone. We do not feel or allow anything to break through. And from this. we learn to be cold to others, harsh and unaware.
I have learned this way. From a young age, I became a stone; at least, appearing as such. This has prevented me from giving myself fully to another person. It has kept me from bonding, from connecting with people that I love. I have kept myself from this. In fear that they will know what is beneath, what is going on inside.
Jesus has told me through His Word that I am not meant to be this way, but the world has corrupted my heart with its evil. And my nature has done the same. It has taken away the innocence and purity I was made to have.
From a young age, I felt this happening. I thought it made me strong, I was proud that I did not cry at things other girls did. I wasn't sensitive, just mean when someone hurt me. I wanted to be praised for having a thick exterior. I tried to work through this into high school and I was able to use it to my advantage in field hockey. People were afraid of me on the field, all the things I dealt with inside would come out in the form of aggression on the field. I was unstoppable, in my own head.
And when I stopped playing, I no longer had an outlet for this aggression. I was forced to learn that it needed to be healed, that I needed to heal. I need to heal.
There are things I have seen that have caused pain. I have been through things I didn't know how to handle. Yes, God was with me in them. But at times, that didn't make it easier for me. I still had to try to understand what was going on in my mind, what emotions made sense besides anger.
On the outside, I dress fashionably. I have nice curly hair, I wear makeup. I can fake a smile like a princess. On the inside, I'm a mess. Aren't we all a little bit this way?
Scared, insecure, broken.
PTL we have a Savior.
These are the moments that define us. How do we respond when we are told we are wrong? Do we fight back, defensively? Do we say we are sorry without meaning it? Or do we listen and work through it because the relationship is more important than the fight?
This can lead to strength or bitterness, depending on our response. We can learn that these moments are good because we learn from them and become different, better people. Or we can be taught that these are moments to fear because they test everything we think is true about ourselves. Our Pride is terrified that it will be destroyed, so we become stone. We do not feel or allow anything to break through. And from this. we learn to be cold to others, harsh and unaware.
I have learned this way. From a young age, I became a stone; at least, appearing as such. This has prevented me from giving myself fully to another person. It has kept me from bonding, from connecting with people that I love. I have kept myself from this. In fear that they will know what is beneath, what is going on inside.
Jesus has told me through His Word that I am not meant to be this way, but the world has corrupted my heart with its evil. And my nature has done the same. It has taken away the innocence and purity I was made to have.
From a young age, I felt this happening. I thought it made me strong, I was proud that I did not cry at things other girls did. I wasn't sensitive, just mean when someone hurt me. I wanted to be praised for having a thick exterior. I tried to work through this into high school and I was able to use it to my advantage in field hockey. People were afraid of me on the field, all the things I dealt with inside would come out in the form of aggression on the field. I was unstoppable, in my own head.
And when I stopped playing, I no longer had an outlet for this aggression. I was forced to learn that it needed to be healed, that I needed to heal. I need to heal.
There are things I have seen that have caused pain. I have been through things I didn't know how to handle. Yes, God was with me in them. But at times, that didn't make it easier for me. I still had to try to understand what was going on in my mind, what emotions made sense besides anger.
On the outside, I dress fashionably. I have nice curly hair, I wear makeup. I can fake a smile like a princess. On the inside, I'm a mess. Aren't we all a little bit this way?
Scared, insecure, broken.
PTL we have a Savior.